Decisions! Decisions! Joy or pain…
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Hi,
Since this blog went “live” last month, I’ve been constantly reminded of how easily life can get in the way of the best laid plans – like writing a blog post each week! Oops!! Something comes up, you think “I’ll do it tomorrow” and then something else comes up. The solution is to put a structure in place and stick to it no matter what! So I have!
I’ll now be writing a blog post on Thursdays of each week and hope you’ll join me!
My life distractions this past month have been moving house, working on another e-book project and flying to Melbourne for a fabulous and inspiring four day course, plus taking a few extra days to savour the many delights Melbourne offers.
It’s been a month highlighting decisions, big and small. For me, all the big decisions this past month have been worthy of gleeful celebration, break out the champagne! You know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and feel so glad you made the decision you made. It’s like a sense of knowing it was the right decision. This sense of “knowing” brings with it both peace and pleasure. And reassurance.
There are ways to make this kind of happy outcome a certainty rather than luck or a random “hit”.
Decision making is a skill that can be learned and honed. I believe that the “right” decision tends to make itself glaringly obvious once you have sufficient information and understanding about yourself and the issue or choices you are making a decision about.
The overall process is information gathering, asking the right questions and being aware of the underlying needs, fears, assumptions and expectations. A good rule of thumb is to assume nothing! To base your decisions on “what is” (no matter how much you wish it wasn’t the case!) rather than how you hope or want things to be.
There are some easy, effective tools and processes for making the best possible decisions. One method is to get clear about the best outcome you are seeking. And then be rigorous in the process of gathering information so that the final decision gives you the highest probability of producing that outcome. Avoid the temptation to dismiss or minimise “warning signs” or information or bits that don’t fit well . Step back, be open to other ways to achieve your goal or desired outcome rather than trying to push something through a door that just doesn’t want to easily open. Like my friend, so many people say “I wish I listened to myself “ or “I wish I didn’t listen to….”
Consider ahead of time the worst case scenarios with any particular decision and if you are not okay with this, then don’t make that decision unless you can be guaranteed these worst case scenarios cannot happen. If you won’t be able to sleep peacefully at night, don’t do it!
There are always new opportunities and possibilities. Richard Branson has been quoted as saying opportunites are like buses, there’s always another one coming along. It’s true! It is also true that there are many ways to get to a particular outcome or destination.
The other day a dear friend and I walked for three hours on the beautiful white sand beach outside my door, talking about decisions the whole time pretty much (and we really only scratched the surface!!) . She was at the other end of the decision making experience, suffering much angst. She had lost all confidence in her ability to make “the right” decisions – or any decisions at all. She felt stuck. Paralysed. It’s not a nice place to live or even visit.
She was tormenting herself with “why did I do it” questioning and getting no relief from the big regrets that couldn’t be undone. Her questioning was going round in circles. To free herself and be able to move forward, she needed to understand exactly how she came to make the decisions she made, so that she could do it differently in future. What exactly were the things she took notice of and the priorities, the motivations, the underlying needs and fears. The blinkers. Truly, self awareness and knowledge is power!
If you have some regrets and decisions that you are not happy about, check out the relevant sections in the Journaling for Self Awareness mini e-book to identify and understand your own decision making processes.
There is a powerful and potent link between confidence and decision making.
Having well developed decision making skills is a critical foundation for living with deep, strong confidence.
Why do we make the decisions we do? I’d say that all decisions spring from fears and needs. Whether or not the information gathering and analysing part of the process is faulty or faultless, it is fears and needs which ultimately drive decision making.
We are constantly making decisions – all day, every day. Decisions shape our lives. Whether or not people are happy, successful, financially secure or healthy, living the life of their dreams or struggling along on a misery treadmill, the key difference is not circumstances. It is the decisions they have made along the way. The good news is that we can make different decisions and get different results… and we can start anytime.
I believe the source of all regrets lies in the decisions we have made. Either impulsive decisions that were made at the time, or the trail of decisions culminating in the ones that produced regret. In all the years of working with clients, if I was asked what is the hardest thing for people to deal with, I would say losing a loved one, and then regrets. Because neither can be undone.
Becoming skilfull and confident in your decision making is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It is one of the most compelling ways to minimise or avoid regrets, and it will naturally foster confidence. Tune in for another simple, fast body technique next time!
Remember you can share your insights or questions below!
Have a decisions- to-celebrate week!
Warmly
Margi Matters
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