Building confidence and Self Esteem: Blocks and barriers

By Margi Matters

The sense of mastery and self efficacy that comes with achieving goals is a potent reinforcer for building confidence and self esteem.

There are many threads that need to be woven together to create the tapestry of self confidence. One of the central threads for building confidence and self esteem is to have confidence in your ability to set and achieve the goals that will bring your Self and your life to where you want it to be.

People who are disempowered, lack confidence and are limited with low self esteem tend to have a poor track record in achieving goals, or achieving the kinds of goals that fit their deepest desires and dreams for their lives.

Success breeds success. It is true! The more goals we achieve, the more confident we are to extend ourselves to go for bigger and better goals. We get clearer about what we want, can be more decisive and are more confident to commit to the chosen goal and take some risks.
Conversely, the path to lower confidence and self esteem is often one that is littered with lost dreams, lost opportunities and a sense of missing out and “failure”. The more confidence and self esteem is eroded, the less decisive we are, the less willing to put ourselves on the line for what we really want. We can become stuck, unhappy and spiral into even less confidence and feel worse and worse about ourselves. Setting clear goals and achieving them becomes harder and harder.

Learning the skills of goal setting is essential for building confidence and self esteem.

Setting and achieving goals is a set of skills that can be learned and honed.

Developing self awareness and understanding is a vital foundation for building confidence and self esteem. Self awareness and understanding  is also essential for becoming effective and confident in setting and achieving goals.

Begin with examining what gets in the way of achieving your goals.

The key areas to explore and work on include:

Becoming clear about what you really want for yourself.

Recognising and dealing with the fears (including fear of failure or fear of success)

Recognising and resolving deeper needs that over ride or conflict with the goal (like staying safe, or avoiding negative judgements from others)

Recognising and replacing limiting beliefs, expectations and self talk (for example it’s too hard, I’m not worthy).

Recognising and changing old habits and patterns? (lazy! Not organised, procrastination)

Being clear about where to start

Being willing and able to commit to having the goal – doing what it takes

Knowing how to proceed – having a clear, specific plan to follow

Understanding your motivation and creating the “right” motivation

Developing sufficient desire and determination

Being able to maintain the focus until the goal is achieved

Being able to effectively manage your resources, including time and prioritising

Spending the time and effort to address each of these areas is a fabulous investment that will serve you brilliantly for the rest of your life. Do some regular journaling and focus on one topic at a time.

Building confidence and self esteem is a process and the sooner you begin the faster you can enjoy the goals you would love to achieve, that will in turn build your confidence and self esteem.

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Related posts:

1. Building Confidence and Self Esteem – The Foundations of Personal Power
2. Building Confidence and Self Esteem – The Initial Assessment
3. Building Confidence and Self Esteem – What Gets in the Way?
4. Improving Self Confidence and Communication Skills
5. Building Confidence and Self Esteem – Having a “Right Relationship” With Yourself