This is the inspiring story of a girl who wanted to visit her sister and have her first holiday in Sydney, Australia. With much excitement she and her best friend (who doesn’t yet drive) saved and dreamed about this adventure for months. The day finally arrived and they set off after first getting directions to the freeway! The trip from Queensland was nearly a thousand kilometres.
Arriving in Sydney the next day (after finding a backpackers hostel for the night) she had to find her way right across this huge, busy city, through the harbour tunnel (what tunnel?!!) to Bondi Beach on the coast. At one point, feeling totally lost, she asked directions from a guy at a petrol station. About half an hour later, after driving in a big loop, she found herself back at the same petrol station…and the same guy gave her directions. Again. When she was telling me the story, her positive spin was that at least she recognised the same petrol station! She knew she’d eventually get there. And she did.
After a brilliant holiday filled with fabulous experiences, she found her way home again, absolutely buzzing with confidence and feeling so proud of this achievement. What is so inspiring is that this beautiful young girl is only 17 years old!
The whole adventure gave her confidence in so many ways. Confidence in herself, confidence to go for her dreams. She learned the power of setting and achieving goals that took her outside her comfort zone, and now feels and knows she could do anything. She learned the power of not letting anything get in the way and has confidence in her ability to overcome any challenges or obstacles with a positive attitude. She can’t wait for the next adventure.
The moral to the story? Dream it and Do it! Extend yourself, have the courage to stretch your horizons and reap the fabulous rewards.

Warmly
Margi Matters

No related posts.

What if you were to think of decisions as simply the linkages between your dreams and goals and …achieving them! Your dreams and goals aren’t going to suddenly disappear. There are always many ways to get to where you want to go, even if you take the long way round, or have a few detours, you can keep putting yourself back on track and heading in the right direction.
Just because a particular decision doesn’t give you the results or consequences you wanted or anticipated, doesn’t mean anything except just that – it didn’t deliver what you wanted it to deliver. It is usually only one step in a long journey of many steps, not the final step. So don’t take it personally or as a negative reflection on your worth or capabilities! Just stand back and use that learning to come up with either an alternative approach or options, or look at what you may have missed in your initial research and assessment.
“Back to the drawing board” is nothing to be concerned or embarrassed about! In fact it is familiar territory with probably everyone who is out there trying new things, new ideas, new possibilities, pursuing dreams, being creative. It’s simply part of the process of being fully alive and in the drivers’ seat of your life!
Take the pressure off yourself, enjoy the journey and embrace the opportunities that decisions can open up to you. Feel the confidence stirring and growing as you do!

Warmly
Margi Matters

No related posts.

Since this blog went “live” last month, I’ve been constantly reminded of how easily life can get in the way of the best laid plans – like writing a blog post each week! Oops!! Something comes up, you think “I’ll do it tomorrow” and then something else comes up. The solution is to put a structure in place and stick to it no matter what! So I have!

I’ll now be writing a blog post on Thursdays of each week and hope you’ll join me!

My life distractions this past month have been moving house, working on another e-book project and flying to Melbourne for a fabulous and inspiring four day course, plus taking a few extra days to savour the many delights Melbourne offers.

It’s been a month highlighting decisions, big and small. For me, all the big decisions this past month have been worthy of gleeful celebration, break out the champagne! You know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and feel so glad you made the decision you made.  It’s like a sense of knowing it was the right decision. This sense of “knowing” brings with it both peace and pleasure. And reassurance.

There are ways to make this kind of happy outcome a certainty rather than luck or a random “hit”.

Decision making is a skill that can be learned and honed. I believe that the “right” decision tends to make itself glaringly obvious once you have sufficient information and understanding about yourself and the issue or choices you are making a decision about.

The overall process is information gathering, asking the right questions and being aware of the underlying needs, fears, assumptions and expectations. A good rule of thumb is to assume nothing! To base your decisions on “what is” (no matter how much you wish it wasn’t the case!) rather than how you hope or want things to be.

There are some easy, effective tools and processes for making the best possible decisions. One method is to get clear about the best outcome you are seeking. And then be rigorous in the process of gathering information so that the final decision gives you the highest probability of producing that outcome. Avoid the temptation to dismiss or minimise “warning signs” or information or bits that don’t fit well .  Step back, be open to other ways to achieve your goal or desired outcome rather than trying to push something through a door that just doesn’t want to easily open. Like my friend, so  many people say “I wish I listened to myself “ or “I wish I didn’t listen to….”
Consider ahead of time the worst case scenarios with any particular decision and if you are not okay with this, then don’t make that decision unless you can be guaranteed these worst case scenarios cannot happen. If you won’t be able to sleep peacefully at night, don’t do it!
There are always new opportunities and possibilities. Richard Branson has been quoted as saying opportunites are like buses, there’s always another one coming along.  It’s true! It is also true that there are many ways to get to a particular outcome or destination.

The other day a dear friend and I walked for three hours on the beautiful white sand beach outside my door, talking about decisions the whole time pretty much (and we really only scratched the surface!!) . She was at the other end of the decision making experience, suffering much angst. She had lost all confidence in her ability to make “the right” decisions – or any decisions at all. She felt stuck. Paralysed. It’s not a nice place to live or even visit.

She was tormenting herself with “why did I do it” questioning and getting no relief from the big regrets that couldn’t be undone. Her questioning was going round in circles. To free herself and be able to move forward, she needed to understand exactly how she came to make the decisions she made, so that she could do it differently in future. What exactly were the things she took notice of  and  the priorities,  the motivations, the underlying needs and fears. The blinkers. Truly, self awareness and knowledge is power!

If you have some regrets and decisions that you are not happy about, check out the relevant sections in the Journaling for Self Awareness mini e-book to identify and understand your own decision making processes.

There is a powerful and potent link between confidence and decision making.

Having well developed decision making skills is a critical foundation for living with deep, strong  confidence.

Why do we make the decisions we do? I’d say that all decisions spring from fears and needs. Whether or not the information gathering and analysing part of the process is faulty or faultless, it is fears and needs which ultimately drive decision making.

We are constantly making decisions – all day, every day. Decisions shape our lives. Whether or not people are happy, successful, financially secure or healthy, living the life of their dreams or struggling along on a misery treadmill, the key difference is not circumstances. It is the decisions they have made along the way. The good news is that we can make different decisions and get different results… and we can start anytime.

I believe the source of all regrets lies in the decisions we have made. Either impulsive decisions that were made at the time, or the trail of decisions culminating in the ones that produced regret. In all the years of working with clients, if I was asked what is the hardest thing for people to deal with, I would say losing a loved one, and then regrets. Because neither can be undone.

Becoming skilfull and confident in your decision making is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It is one of the most compelling ways to minimise or avoid regrets, and it will naturally foster confidence. Tune in for another simple, fast body technique next time!

Remember you can share your insights or questions below!

Have a decisions- to-celebrate week!

Warmly

Margi Matters

Related posts:

1. Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict
2. Mistakes CAN be your friends!

Hi my name is Margi Matters and welcome to my blog focused on building confidence and self esteem!

The topics you will find here cover pretty much the whole spectrum of being confident, happy, at peace, connected with yourself and with other people. I hope to make it interesting, easy to read and understand as I delve into what makes us tick – mind, emotions, behaviour and spirituality -and how to make the changes you may want to make in yourself or some part of your life.

If you have a topic you would like to read about, I’d love to hear from you so please feel free to leave comments and I will do my best to respond!

As a Psychologist and Coach in private practice I want to write this blog to turn people on to what is possible and share what I’ve learned over many years with thousands of people.

Building confidence and self esteem go together. If you are not confident it is likely that your self esteem is low or weak. Many people can appear to be confident but inside it is another story. My aim is to take you through a step by step process for building deep, strong self confidence and self esteem for your lifetime. It’s a bit like doing a jigsaw puzzle, the more you do the faster and easier it gets. Understanding personal power and how to live from that every day is an essential part of the process.

Quite simply, having stronger self esteem is life changing! Transforming! And hopefully will inspire you to go for what you want, be the person you want to be and at the end of your life say “I’d love to do it all again!”

My approach is very practical – what works and why, what does not work and why and what you can do about it. You’ll find lots of tips, strategies, tools and techniques that you can easily understand and apply, often for immediate benefits. Other things can take some time, however if you make the decision to do it, you’ll get the results.

The article collection is growing, and there may be some occasional special offers to get your hands (and minds!) on e-books and audio I’m putting together.

My wish and aim is for this blog to be great value and that you will look forward to the next download from my mind and heart.

Look to your right for all my articles.

Talk to you soon,

Warmly,

Margi Matters.

No related posts.